I am

I am thankful. This has not always been an easy walk for me.
I am disappointed. We have missed family gatherings, weddings, dinner engagements, birthday parties, and holidays because of shift schedules and overtime.
I am patient. There have been dinners spent at the firehouse waiting for Daddy to return from a call while the kids get cranky and the food gets cold.
I am nervous. I awake at 0300 am hearing creaks in the house and don't have the comfort of my husband beside me.
I am tired. The house is full of sick kids and there is no relief in sight because daddy is on a 72 hour shift.
I am jealous. Jealous of all the women whose husbands came home at 500 pm to have dinner and hold them at the end of their day.
I am worried. I worry that he may not come home one day. This I try to tuck away.
I am content. We have decided to give up my carreer so I can stay home and raise our children. We no longer have an abundance of money or things. It is the greatest freedom I have ever known.
I am incompetent. There was a time when I considered myseld moderatley intelligent. I now struggle to remember where I left my car keys, the diaper bag and occasionally the baby.
I am waiting. Knowing the phone may one day ring for me.
I am doubting. Doubting God hears all my prayers. Doubting I am the kind of wife and mother He needs me to be.
I am trusting. Trusting that my husband will come home again.
I am confident, I am embarassed, I am lonely, I am surprised, I am overworked, I am underpaid

I am ...The Fireman's Wife.

from the book "The Fireman's Wife"